"Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother"

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua


My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I enjoyed this book. Partly because Amy is so bold and downright funny (in a way that just makes me blush) and partly because I recognized myself to some degree in Amy. It makes me think back on aspects of my childhood administered by my own well-intentioned, loving parents. (I now know that my own German mother and I are part “Chinese mother”).

I also admit however, that the part of me that is like Amy is the side of me that needs reigned in – because I recognize how damaging it can be. Being critical and perfectionistic I fear has a way of communicating a system of performance-based love, rather than the unconditional love that I truly feel for them. But the thing is, having been raised by two mildly “Chinese” parents - I didn't feel like my parents were completely domineering and awful. I trusted and respected them (and still do), and I could not be more grateful that they taught me to strive for excellence in all that I did. Granted, I only had to practice piano 30 minutes a day and they definitely didn't micromanage those practice sessions, but with all I did, the sentiment to “practice, practice, practice – no matter how hard it is” and “do your best” was always there. Chua WAS totally over the top, even for "Chinese" mothers. But she did recognize it and poked fun at it and, I think, even exaggerated some of it for comic relief in the book. I thought it was apparent from the book that she recognized neither she nor her methods are perfect, but she was still sharing it to bring to light some of the virtues of strict parenting, as well as infuse some humor into it.

Some topics/quotes that rang true with me:

∙ “What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it.”

∙ “Every day that you don't practice is a day you're getting worse.”

∙ “Western parents worry a lot about their children's self-esteem. But as a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't.”

Here’s where I tie this book into the best book on parenting I know (our Creator’s instructions to us, the Bible) and draw my conclusions. Every child that is born needs training and instruction. Humans, inherent in our nature (to varying degrees based on personality) are prone to avoid things that are hard, require work, or make us uncomfortable. We humans are prone to take the easy way out. I, as a parent must teach my children to fight that lazy streak.

We EACH have specific and unique God-given gifts and abilities for USE and to do WORK. It’s our job as parents to recognize, assist in, and provide for the development of our children’s gifts (as God has blessed). It's part of God's plan, and parents have the responsibility of TRAINING our children (just as a coach or trainer would train an Olympian).

“Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it”. ~ Proverbs 22:6

We teach them discipline because they don't come with it naturally at birth, it has to be learned. Now, I don't always do it right (nor did Amy Chua) because I certainly cross that line of "exasperating my children" at times. “Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the LORD. (EPHESIANS 6: 4 ESV)

Good parenting takes personal discipline, it’s hard, it requires participation on our part, it requires getting into the trenches with our kids and going along side of them and really TRAINING them. It means not just requiring them to DO the hard work, but getting in there and doing the hard work WITH them. Personally, when I cross the line from good training, to exasperating my children is when my motives are in the wrong place. When I am pushing them too hard BY FORCE because of my own pride and selfish desires rather than for their good. A sign to me: when I’m screaming at them, I’ve crossed that line. (At which point I need to get my heart right and seek forgiveness, and start anew.) This topic brings to mind this quote from the book:

"To be honest, I sometimes wonder if the question 'Who are you really doing this for?' should be asked of Western parents too. Sometimes I wake up in the morning dreading what I have to do and thinking how easy it would be to say, 'Sure Lulu, we can skip a day of violin practice.' Unlike my Western friends, I can never say, 'As much as it kills me, I just have to let my kids make their choices and follow their hearts. It's the hardest thing in the world, but I'm doing my best to hold back.' Then they get to have a glass of wine and go to a yoga class, whereas I have to stay home and scream and have my kids hate me.'"

Which brings me to my final concluding thought. In the book Amy Chua writes this summary:

“Western parents try to respect their children’s individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits, and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.”

And herein lays the answer. The answer is balance between these two things. In my opinion combining these two approaches is the key. And one more opinion to offer, the best parenting advice ALWAYS comes from the One who created us, and is the Ultimate Parent, Almighty God. His Word, the Bible, is the BEST book; containing the only True Wisdom on parenting.




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