Moments of Mothering Angst

On a daily basis I teter between sentimental musing over the fleeting time I have with my precious children AND feelings of discouragement and worry over problems we just can't seem to get a handle on.

One moment, I'm soaking in the sweetness of that toothy grin on a soft freckled face; and the next moment I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do with this same child after knocking his brother on the floor on purpose.

Mothering is such a schizophrenic thing.

I wonder constantly how the same children that I would die for, can evoke such boiling emotions in me.

I'm sure I am not unique in this. I remember exasperated declarations from my own mother. I hear mothers vent their frustrations and concerns about their children all the time. It doesn't mean we don't love them.

If I didn't love them, I wouldn't worry about them, right?

"Will this one ever learn to get along with others?"
"Will this child make friends?"
"Will this child ever learn to tie shoes?"
"Will this child ever listen?"
"Will this child ever learn to take care of things?"

In perfect timing, a friend shared some great thoughts on the subject this week. She sent a link to author Katrina Kenison reading to a group from her latest book "The Gift of an Ordinary Day". (Thank you H.)

Author Katrina Kenison writes:

"You think the life you have right now is the only one there is; the one that's going to last forever. And so, it's easy to take it all for granted. If motherhood teaches us anything, it's that we can't change our children. We can only change ourselves. So instead of wishing the kids could be different somehow, try to see everyday what's already good in each of them - and to love that. Because any moment now, you're gonna be hugging a daughter who's turned into a woman. Or standing on tip toes saying goodbye to a son who's 6-feet tall and heading off to a college that's half way across the country. Too soon they really are gone."

Katrina concludes with "the most wonderful gift... the one she learned to cherish above all else... was the gift of all those perfectly ordinary days."

How perfectly stated. The whole thing (not all included here) had me sobbing in agreement and conviction. I do try to change my kids and many times I wish the kids could be different. It was such a good reminder that I can't change them. I can only change myself.

I do take the ordinary days for granted.

I can already see the time racing away.  That sentimental half of my schizophrenic self knows that already.

So -  I'm going to cherish every moment, no matter what.

I'm going to try to see everyday what's already good in each of them - and to love that.

I'm going to seize the opportunity.  Before they are gone.

And as for the worries... Jesus, the One who created them, and knows them better than I, and loves them more than I can fathom, has it covered.  His Word promises me.

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV •
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."


What I can do... the change I'm going to make... is I'm surrendering these worries to the One who CAN create change.  You want newness?  Transformation?  Only He can do that, and I trust Him.